Saturday, October 4, 2014

5 Tips For Meeting New Friends After Moving

One terrible fact of military life is moving. All the time. Since my husband joined almost four years ago, we have lived in three different states and four different apartments. We just renewed a lease for the first time in our marriage. Each of our children were conceived in a different state than they were born in, and neither were born (or conceived) in the same state.

Our first duty station was a training command, most of the people there were like us and living on their own for the first time and eager to meet others. There were several Facebook groups, and meetups all the time. I personally held "Girl's Day" at my house every Friday for several months. I had close friends, and the majority of my close friends I met there I still keep in touch with today. I look back fondly at my memories there. As a "nuke" wife, you will definitely be starting out in South Carolina. If you live on base, you will definitely meet a lot of people, if you find the Facebook groups, you'll interact with other wives in the exact same position as you.

The second duty station we had was a lot different. I was closer to family, so instead of trying to meet people and start friendships, I visited family I hadn't seen in years and kept close with the great friends I had known for a decade or longer. The military friends I had there were already established, they moved when we moved, so we kept in touch.

Now here we are at our third duty section and I'm far away from everything and everyone. We have one set of very close friends that we spend time with just about every day. Our daughters are best friends, and they're the first people we call whenever we hear about anything fun, or we just want to hang out. Aside from that, I have not met really any new people at all. 


Being a military wife is lonely. As a nuke wife, you get to look forward to your husband being gone for at least 25% of your nights. I'm very lucky for having him here so often.

Well anyway, back to the point. Meeting friends.

1. Your husband's friends' wives. He has friends, they can't spend a zillion hours a week together and not have found friends. Ask about his friends and invite them over.

2. Facebook. There are at least 83 Navy wife groups at every duty station. We're in VA, and new ones are seriously popping up about every other day. It's ridiculous. To find a group in your area search "Navy Wives in (enter your state/duty station here)" or "(your ship name) Navy Wives" or ask your ombudsman if there are any pages.

3. SPEAKING OF OMBUDSMAN, go to your command FRG meetings. They are usually once a month and there are lots of people there. Seasoned wives, new wives, nuke wives, non nuke wives.

4. Find something you're interested in, and find a club for it. Meetup.com is great for finding groups of people that are awesome and around you. They have groups separated by interests, and there's hundreds of these things. Last I checked, within 25 miles of me is 445 meetups. It's insane. You're sure to find some friends there!


5. Neighbors. I know it's hard to just go across the street and introduce yourself to WHO KNOWS WHO, but the odds aren't high that they are a serial mass murderer planning to kill the next person who knocks on their door. Maybe bring over some cookies. Who doesn't love cookies?

So now, go forth, and find some friends!




How do you find friends in new places?

Friday, August 29, 2014

Dear Daughter (8/29/14)

Dear Daughter,

Thank you. You are the greatest first child anyone could ever ask for. We have laughed together, cried together, failed, succeeded, and just been rock stars together. I love every little detail about you. I love your little giggle when I tuck your toes back into your swaddle before you go to sleep. I love when I wake you up the first thing you ask is where Daddy is.

You are a wonderful older sister. When we first brought your brother home I was so worried for you. You put yourself into a shell, clearly feeling betrayed that you were no longer our entire world. How could we have done that to you? The pain in your eyes was unbearable some days. I felt like I had made a huge mistake, and like I had broken you. But that was all temporary, and I often feel guilty looking back that I doubted you. You have grown into the part splendidly. You have broken out of your shell and you love your brother deeply. Someday you two will have so much fun together.

You are still everything to me. My life would be so incomplete without you, and you bring joy to every day I spend with you. You are the sweetest and most gentle firecracker I have ever met in my life. I'm so happy I was blessed to have you as my baby, and I get to spend the rest of my life watching you grow.

Mommy loves you so much.



Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Dear Son (8/27/14)

Dear Son,

You're just a touch over five months today. Your eyes captivate me, and your laugh motivates me. You are a beautiful, beautiful person, and I can't wait to get to know you better. I think about you all the time, while you're awake and while you're sleeping.

Sometimes feel like I have failed you because I didn't give birth to you the way I wish I had. I read articles every day about the benefits of natural birth, and how cesareans are terrible for your children and your health. I constantly wonder if you will grow up and have children of your own someday and wish I did things differently. I hope you know I fought for you, and I tried very hard to give you the birth you deserve.

You have given me such solace. The day I met you I was in such a dark place, and you were the light I needed to see at the end of the tunnel. I prayed and fought, and cried, and felt defeated, but you were healthy and I had succeeded. I realized that day that it was necessary. I had to let go of the idea that I was a failure. There was no such thing as a failure when I looked into your eyes. You were this perfect and complete being that I had grown and loved inside of me. It was so hard for me to give up and agree to have you surgically removed from my womb, but it had to be done to keep you alive.

I felt stronger when I met you. I felt like a winner. I never thought that a repeat cesarean would give me as much closure and healing as it did. Thank you so much for being everything I needed. Without even knowing it, you have completed my life.

Mommy loves you so much.


Saturday, August 23, 2014

Let It Go

I really don't understand why this is, but I've noticed a lot recently that as mothers, we beat ourselves up a lot. Our children are going to grow up someday, and we didn't adequately enjoy their time as babies. We spent a bunch of money on a camera, and only used it twice in the last year. We started a blog and don't think any of our posts are good enough to post.

So I'm going to start here with letting things go. It's okay to blog even if I'm not the greatest of all time ever. Every single post doesn't have to be the most eloquent writing of my time. It's okay to be annoyed at my children, and it's okay to take terrible pictures on my expensive camera.

A reader friend messaged me this morning telling me basically all of this. I need to stop beating myself up. A blog is a blog, who am I doing it for but me?

Thanks for the ear (err . . . eye?) I look forward to writing again soon. <3 


Thursday, July 10, 2014

Book Review: Reasons My Kid Is Crying by Greg Pembroke

When I first got this book I thought it would just be silly, and I would get a few laughs. But no. This book is exactly what I go through every single day. This is proof that I'm not alone. This is what I needed today. The random cries over nothing. The sobs due to pointless negotiations. The terrible twos . . . that actually start way before two, and last much longer than just one year. Ah parenthood. Isn't it great?

I miss the days of my daughter delightfully following simple commands ("can you bring mommy that cup?") that have been replaced with deliberate disobedience. Oh this cup? *chucks cup across room and sobs*. What just happened?!

Since I know you understand, this is the book for you: 



This book was created by Greg Pembroke, who also is the man behind the Web site of the same name. How delightful to know that we aren't alone. As I read this book, I was surprised to learn that my kid's crazy tantrums are the same level of obnoxious as everyone elses' kid. This is a great collection from all over the world of parents just like us who feel overwhelmed by the crazy cries and fits thrown over the simplest things. Sometimes these things are in our control (we said no cookies for breakfast) or out of our control (the neighbor's dog isn't outside) but after the fact they're always good for a laugh. There are even spots for you to put your own pictures in the back! I love this book! :)

Read Chapter 1 here
Find this book on Facebook
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I received this book in exchange for my honest opinion about it. :)